by the Way . . .

Ending his 10 year $22 million investigation, the independent counsel has filed his final report on just how much money Henry told the FBI he gave his mistress. You may remember that Hen was the popular mayor of San Antonio in the 80s, and Secretary of Housing and Urban Development under Clinton from 1992 to 1997. It was in the FBI vetting process for that office that Hen screwed up, understating his mistress gratuities. Not that Hen didn't fess up once the cat was out of the bag, and four years into the investigation (1999) he pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor count of lying to the FBI, and was pardoned by President Clinton. That was the end of that, except of course that the independent counsel had to keep going and going and going, after all those other loose ends. We will get back to that.

Some avid readers of this blog complain about our policy of never expressing an opinion or drawing any conclusions from the rich loam of foibles reported. So as a special exception to our just the facts ma'am policy, here are some suggestions.

Rule 1. Do not keep a mistress. [but if you do]
Rule 2. Do not let your wife find out. [but if she does]
Rule 3. Do not let it become public knowledge so as to embarrass your wife. [but even if it does]
Rule 4. Do not give your mistress money. (This is the hard one). [but if you do]
Rule 5. Do not let your wife find out about the money. [but even if she does]
Rule 6. Do not give your mistress a lot of money. [but if you do]
Rule 7. See Rule 5.

Even if you blow rule 4, don't whistle past rule 6. Remember, you are a charming rogue, not a lobbyist, and if your wife finds out, hell hath no fury like a woman shorn.

OK, back to the independent counsel investigation. You know what they say: "Its not the crime, its the cover up." Like with all rules, there is an exception to the "don't let your wife find out" rule. While you should take all reasonable precautions, you don't want to fudge with the FBI, for obvious reasons. But even so, you ask, what took 10 years? Since some of the fun funding was by the redirection of his speaking fees, there arose an income tax question, which the IC of course had to investigate. Then the IRS pooh-poohed it, so the IC had to investigate the IRS. Then the Justice Department told him to stick to one tax year, so the IC had to investigate the Justice Department. So you progress from play money to obstruction of justice by the entire government, and it takes a while. And finally there was the legal battle over what part of the report to release to the public. That last thing really should be investigated too, but Congress let the independent counsel law expire.

As to why the FBI should ask exactly how much he gave his mistress, I think it must have been a trick question.