by the Way . . .

When Miles Monroe awoke 200 years into the future, he discovered that everything that was once thought to be bad for you, such as smoking, was now believed to be good for you. Ice cream and candy bars were by then health foods. For smoking, you will have to wait 170 more years, so if you do, consider cryogenic sleep.

But there is good news right here in 2005. Remember how delighted we were when it was discovered that a little snuggle with the grape is good for the heart? And the olive in the martini is just as good for you as the gin? Well, chocolate lovers, the guilt is gone! It's the flavanols, stupid. And those plant sterols aren't chopped liver either. So eat two bars daily (for the "maximum benefit") of Mars Cocovia and you will improve blood flow, lower blood pressure, and help prevent heart disease. And here is the best part. Substitute those for Snickers, and you won't even get fatter. We acknowledge our debt to Woody Allen's "Sleeper", and the promise of more good news to come about "bad" things, with his famous closing line:

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.